I was eleven years old when we first met and for god sake I've no idea you would be so important to me. Yeah i don't even care about you i mean yahh i ignore your existence. Until one day, when I bumped into you I feel like uh yknow the feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster for the first time or you're going too high on a swing or when you hit some certain bumps on the road and your stomach kinda flips? Not all the time, but there’s those times when you suddenly look at me or smiling randomly at me uh the feeling that I can't even explain but that's what I feel when I'm around you.
We don't have any sweet or good memories to be shared with, I have nothing that would make you remember me immediately when you saw something. I have nothing that would make me crossed your mind even for a second. You don't even know I like you. Damnit, I can't being honest and admit everything, I can't confess that I like you. Nobody understand. Nobody know except this three buddy aishahainbarizah. I don't have the strength to be honest. Just if you know I like you, just if you know I admire you. Just if you know, all my status, all my posts, all my tweets is all about you. But I know you wont know bcs you don't even want to know. I'm nothing for you. You don't even care for me. I know that and I admit that.
You know what, everytime I see you passing by walking laughing with your friends, I smile for no reason. And my friends always wondering why I suddenly smile and laughing alone. Nobody knows the reason why I act strangely. It's bcs of you. Haih Idek why I like you. You're not the most handsome student in SMK JALAN EMPAT, you're not a hotstuff. You're not too kind. You're just a normal, typical malay boy. Enough said, you're just a simple plain boy. But there's something about you that everyone can't see but I can see. I don't want to list down each. You know why? Bcs I don't want others to admire you too like I do when they realize something that they can't see before this. I got nothing that I can show and proud of, I am nothing compared to others. Tah idk the only thing I know and I'm completely sure is ... I LIKE YOU. And jsyk, you're the reason why I dislike boys. You're the reason why I keep pretending that I'm okay outside when I see you laughing with other girl. You're the reason why I can't stop saying why and what if in every decision that I've to make about boys. You're the reason for all the changes in my life and now I realize that you're the reason why I'm still here with broken hearts.
I always stalked all your picture in myspace. I even save every single pictures of yours. I always stalked your profile on facebook just to see what is your new relationship status and thank god for a year, I see none. Bcs if yes, I'll be down, so down like hell. I will never ever cry bcs I don't want to fool myself for crying about person who doesn't even care about me. You once was in a relationship with my bestfriend and only God know what did I feel that time.Words can't even describe how down I am but yeah thanks to aiman for cheering me up. I know I have him no matter what happen. He is the best boy bestfriend that I ever had for the rest of my life. And until now you and her still texting and in contact with each other. I know that fact but I'm trying not to care even I do care, a lot.
I'm trying slowly try not to hope very much bcs I knoweverything that I've dream of will never gonna happen. I know that fact but I'm still hoping. And yknow I wrote everything happened between us in a notebook and I still kept it. Maybe one day I'll throw it but for now, you're the thing that wasn't mine but still the best thing that I ever wish it's mine
for the rest of my life. Just only you know that, haih.
I know this post has been to long and cheesy post but I can't stop here, there's lots of things that I've to told ya guys and express for now. I always stalk you. Everytime. But I avoid passing by your class, you know why bcs I can't stop myself from looking at you, and smiling. Ergh. You're just the most cold-hearted boy that I ever seen, you look similar to robot. You do what you want without thinking about others. You're like a robot, without feeling but exist in human way.And I can't stop myself from disliking boys just bcs of you and since I like you, I've build a wall between me and every boy that I know. There's a gap between us. Just bcs of you haih. For god sake, I never admire others like I admire you and I don't even like any others since I like you and that was 2 and half year ago. And that is a very long time. I once tried to stop the days from counting on, but I can't. I just really can't bcs everytime I'm thinking to give up, I remember every reason why I held on so long and that's make me say to myself. 'Sha, no worries. One day he'll like you back.' Damnit! I know he won't but Idek what's wrong with me, maybe I'm hoping too much ugh you dumb-ass, sha.
Half of me ask me to give up, while another half ask me to just go on and fighttt. Ugh idek. I am confused. Sigh. Someone please help me. I don't know what I should do. Ahh this is why I dislike boys. Some of them have this x-factor that would attract a typical girl like me to admire them. And I hate being in this situation, it is just too complex to be explained. Sigh i guess I'll stop here. Damn it. I have to move on. Okay bye bye :(
xx-A
No comments:
Post a Comment