idk the real point of living.
Why actually God create me?
Why i am here in this world?
Why do i exist?
Why am i born?
I keep repeating those questions.
WHY? -My favourite word ~
I don't see why i born as me,
just a useless shit.
I spend my money lavishly, I forgot to pray sometimes, (never complete) I don't cover my aurah the exact way how i should do, i sometimes rude to my parents, i lied to people, i used to demean people, i disrespect to elders, i don't respect my teachers, i rarely pray to Allah if i want something, and once i keep blaming God for testing me.
What a bad person am i. Sometimes, i feel so worthless and wasteless to live.
Kill myself?
I know dosa pahala lagi. I won't do that.
But i afraid, i will ,one day. Who can predict the future? Bila akal dah tak boleh berfikir dengan waras. Many possibilities can happen.
I am scared of future, of the moment when my death, of judgement day and all. What scared me the most if i don't have time to repent and the days comes.
Ugh future really make me scared.
'ayah again and again non-stop lecture me about praying, idk why i'll be such a lazy-arse when it comes to pray especially when i'm home. Ah damn.
Dia kata
'Ayah tak pernah larang nak buat apa-apa pun, buatlah asal jangan melampau batas dah. You can tak pakai tudung, you can be rude to everybody, you can tell lies, but jangan pernah tinggalkan sembahyang. You know why? Sebab sembahyang tu 'tiang agama'
Tak sembahyang umpama mcm takde agama lah' Sebab most people yang sembahyang takkan kurang ajar dekat parents, takkan menipu, takkan berzina, takkan minum arak, takkan buat benda yang salah and akan pakai tudung.
Bila kau rasa susah sangat nak pakai tudung and senang sangat nak buat semua benda ni, there's something wrong somewhere lah dekat sembahyang kau.
Either tak cukup,
or tak betul
or tak sah
or tak diterima Allah.
Yes ayah thankyou so much,
even i dislike a part, a side of you but i know whatever it is,
You are still my father,
forever
and
always ...
Bak kata mama
'baik buruk dia tetap ayah adik'
Thanks both of you :* (streem)
I know dosa pahala lagi. I won't do that.
But i afraid, i will ,one day. Who can predict the future? Bila akal dah tak boleh berfikir dengan waras. Many possibilities can happen.
I am scared of future, of the moment when my death, of judgement day and all. What scared me the most if i don't have time to repent and the days comes.
Ugh future really make me scared.
'ayah again and again non-stop lecture me about praying, idk why i'll be such a lazy-arse when it comes to pray especially when i'm home. Ah damn.
Dia kata
'Ayah tak pernah larang nak buat apa-apa pun, buatlah asal jangan melampau batas dah. You can tak pakai tudung, you can be rude to everybody, you can tell lies, but jangan pernah tinggalkan sembahyang. You know why? Sebab sembahyang tu 'tiang agama'
Tak sembahyang umpama mcm takde agama lah' Sebab most people yang sembahyang takkan kurang ajar dekat parents, takkan menipu, takkan berzina, takkan minum arak, takkan buat benda yang salah and akan pakai tudung.
Bila kau rasa susah sangat nak pakai tudung and senang sangat nak buat semua benda ni, there's something wrong somewhere lah dekat sembahyang kau.
Either tak cukup,
or tak betul
or tak sah
or tak diterima Allah.
Yes ayah thankyou so much,
even i dislike a part, a side of you but i know whatever it is,
You are still my father,
forever
and
always ...
Bak kata mama
'baik buruk dia tetap ayah adik'
Thanks both of you :* (streem)
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